The Pentagon recently confirmed that it spent $22 million researching UFOs from 2007 to 2012, which has Gizmodo asking the hard question: Who exactly do you call if you happen across an alien or two?

There is, it turns out, no clear answer. Experts ventured a number of ideas. Suggestions ranged from contacting the Mutual UFO Network or the Department of Defense, to calling your dog, or simply not wasting NYPD’s time with “meaningless drivel.” Apparently you’re wasting your time if you call NASA (they’ll transfer you to the DOD), the CDC, or the NYPD.

So, uh, it seems like the main plan is to hope for the best. There are agencies at work searching for signs of life on other planets, but thus far the biggest danger to the Earth seems to be from regular humans. Now, onto the next question: Where are Mulder and Scully when you need them?