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Always the improviser - "Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way." His best sentences are the ones that get horribly lost. 

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His logic somehow works - "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

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Ah, so naive - "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information."

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He’s too humble - "Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me."

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Rules to live by - "You know what they say: 'Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice…strike three.'" Common sayings are hard!

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It’s not the thought that counts - "Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth.’"

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His brain works in mysterious ways - "I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." The logic kind of checks out.

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He really makes you think - "Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order." A man of many contradictions.

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His seriously skewed understanding of what is bad behavior - "When I said that I was king of forwards, you’ve got to understand that I don’t come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another."

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At least he’s not a doctor - "No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them." Questionable tactics, through and through.

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When you didn't know whether to laugh or cry - "I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday." 

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There is really no sliver of respect for Toby - "Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also he's divorced so he's really not a part of his family."

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Honesty is the best policy - "Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised."

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When he had a convincingly dark past - "The worst thing about prison was the…was the Dementors." He probably just read a lot of Harry Potter in prison. 

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His most underrated roast - "If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice." Boom! Roasted.

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Office sensitivity at a record high - On the day he would later find out that Oscar is gay he said, "Corporate has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 10,000 years of being weirded out by gays."

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He always had a fresh take - "Well, well, well, how the turntables." Sure, that's how the saying goes.

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He had his priorities straight - "I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third."

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Who is he? - "I am Beyoncé, always." The moment when audiences respected him most.

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After getting back with Jan - "No. No, no, no, no. I'll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement. That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is... emotionally magnificent."

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The method behind the madness - "There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke." This explains so much.

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The endless siege of Pam - "This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago." Something new every day!

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This one almost slipped by - "It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore." Wait, what?

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When he held the pizza boy hostage - Pizza Boy: "This is stupid."
Michael: "You don't even know what stupid is. It's about to get all stupid up in here!"

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It all makes sense in moments like these - "Sometimes, what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most."

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He’s just a little off - "It is St. Patrick's Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas." Because they didn't have enough parties as it was!

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When his GPS led him into a lake - "In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy."

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He didn’t quite understand a lot of things - Michael: "I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talkin' about."
Stanley: "That's not what a hate crime is."
Michael: "Well I hated it! A lot!"

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Poor Toby - "Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be."

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When he got angsty about his complexion - "It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time, and she rocks harder than anyone alive." He's not wrong. 

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Born to be a leader - "You may look around you and see two different groups of people. White collar… blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. You know why not? Because I am 'collar blind.'"

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Tell us how you really feel, Michael - "I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail."

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The philosophy he lives by, and always has, and always will - “Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever."

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His final appearance in the series finale -

"I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream."

Michael Scott appreciates a good joke, so check out some of these celebrity pranksters!

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